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Pandemic Moratorium

My Life With Joe
At long last, I received the email that I have been dreading for the past year: our inevitable return to work. This means that we are required to (probably) be in the office twice per week because the state government just can’t help themselves in making stupid rules. I will miss working from home, or at least, working from home all the time as opposed to three days per week. What I won’t miss is sitting down at my computer screen and suddenly thinking that “I need to empty the dishwasher RIGHT NOW!”*
* At the office, I suddenly think, “I need to water my dying spider plant RIGHT NOW!”
The Book Promo
This newsletter, I am featuring CodeName: Orcus Series by Thomas J Eyre. It’s free on Kindle Unlimited and only 99 cents otherwise. This thriller series is about a Royal Marine named Paddy Regan.
Joe is both introverted and extraverted. He’s introverted when you tell him to do something (like “sit”), and he’s extraverted when you give him food.
Joe is both introverted and extraverted. He’s introverted when you tell him to do something (like “sit”), and he’s extraverted when you give him food.
The Pandemic Review
This newsletter, I decided to recap the coronavirus pandemic in little ridiculous snippets.
Toilet Paper Crisis
Have you ever been to the grocery store right before a big snowstorm is about to hit? Yeah, everyone and their uncles come out of the woodwork to buy … everything. Coronavirus was the year+ sh*tstorm of the century as the world ran out of TP for their bum bums. Why? Well, psychologically, buying a ton of crap makes you feel more in control.
I like to joke around that I am always a TP hoarder. I bought seven large mega roll bundles about two weeks prior to the TP pandemic. I buy in bulk like this because I hate buying TP. I have no idea why. I just do. It takes me all of my willpower reserve to go to the store to get it. Once, I do, it is flushed down the toilet until the bowl is filled back up again, and I repeat the cycle.
Yeah, I just went there.
House Arrest
“A 19-year-old York County woman went out for a drive just to get out of the house for awhile on Sunday evening and was circling her way back home when she was stopped by two state police cars.” ~ From Pennlive.com
People can say what they will, but the government overreaching its powers and literally making people not leave their house is a bunch of crap, crappity crap enough to justify buying 20 cases of toilet paper while leaving the guy behind you with none. I’m looking at you … um, everyone.
The lady’s father talked to the press, citing that the government needs to be careful about crossing this “fine line” into harassment.
This one just smells. I hope they went to court over this ticket.
Housing Market Shortage
In the middle of record-high unemployment and a recession, not to mention, y’know, a pandemic, we have soaring house prices. This is troubling for anyone who doesn’t make enough money to afford a house. Those people can go on not affording a house for the indefinite future.
A lot of people I spoke to disagree with me here,** but I think most of this home craziness is due to boredom, plus that little extra boost that people are getting from working from home, e.g. not commuting.
And then, there is the good ol’ fashioned … you can’t stand the people you live with. I’m not kidding. The coronavirus outbreak has caused break-ups. Lots of them. Honey, I need more space. To get away from your face.
** Okay, I spoke to two people, both of whom are disagreeable.
COVID Shot Lotteries
To entice folks to get vaccinated, or perhaps just to make things randomly fair, or maybe because politicians are colossally stupid, governments have turned to coronavirus vaccination lotteries. You can win all sorts of things, and it isn’t just about winning vaccinations. You can also win stone cold cash if you got the shot. Talk about lottery winnings.
I wonder if the IRS will make you claim your coronavirus shot as winnings.** Speaking of winnings, maybe a better solution would be to give a nice big tax refund to those who got the shot.
*** Cash value: $1.
Coronavirus Parties
These were parties where people infected with the coronavirus would show up to intentionally infect others. The person who was infected first won a prize, usually a cash prize. These parties were just colossally stupid. Darwin awards, folks.
The issue, of course, with these parties is that these people don’t just infect each other. They potentially infect everyone they come into contact with, which, if they were anything like my (equally colossally stupid) ex-neighbors, was everyone. But another report suggests that these parties are urban legends. Which only confirms my suspicion that colossally stupid people are having parties despite the coronavirus (not because of the coronavirus).
Returning to Work
So, on July 1, 2021, Governor Tom Wolf is going to do a phased return to work. As I said, rumor has it that everyone will be in the office twice per week. Knowing the government, this means it is across the board, because the Pennsylvania state government is colossally stupid.
Happenings
For those of you who need some more funny, check out this video: Ridiculousnessly Popular Videos: Quarantine Edition. I’m totally in love with the sock puppet eating the cars. The sound effects, dude. All about those sound effects. I could do without that chick’s laugh, though. Sounds like cicadas.
My current WIP (titled Scorned) is about a trial of a Black man killing a white woman. It might not be your cup of tea, but I needed some serious inspiration. So I turned to John Grisham, A Time to Kill. For those interested, HanBooks (my go to Korean bookstore) has it in Korean! I’ve read this book before, and I am not Mr. Grisham’s biggest fan. (I have a whole rant of lawyers who bend the truth of the law to make a good book sale … but he’s a gazillionaire and I am not, so who’s who here?)
Also, I’m doing some web site work. I decided to move my site back over to Substack in an effort to be minimalistic. This includes importing all the articles on my web site. And I know I say this a lot, but I also intend to start up a paid version sooner or later once I get my act together.
With love,
Maureen
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Maureen Gil
Maureen Gil @joepawdog

A funny bi-weekly newsletter from author Maureen Gil. Features her dog, Joe Paw the Boston Terrier

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