Poison Ivy is so insidious that it can grow anywhere. And when I mean anywhere, I mean anywhere – it can spread on the ground like the fun, happy ivy (I can this ivy “The Snake Pit”), up trees, up the side of your house, through other weeds, and even within the grass.
What’s worse is that it’s hard to kill. We learned the hard way that you need to wear a ton of clothing, and preferably you throw it all out** after each use.***
But, with everything in life, the right tools make the job a whole lot easier. In this case, we needed to prepare better for battle. So, we bought gloves that are really entire suits made out of plastic. And boots. And two miracle products – one called
IvyX (which we bought in a gallon-size jug … you can never be too prepared, folks) and
Bentonite Clay.
Actually, both products are bentonite clay. The IvyX is just in a lotion form. Lots of cosemetic products have this stuff in it, like sunscreen and foundation. And this absolutely wonderful clay mask called
Mint Julep that I have been using for, like, forever. I’m fairly certain my mother used to use it on my buttocks after pooping in my diaper,**** that’s how good it is.
My husband bought several large gallons of RoundUp. Which is a good soldier against poison ivy, but not a super soldier. They don’t make stuff like they used to.
Who knows what this war would be like. Like Afghanistan, my husband and I might be up in arms the next 20 years, at which time, the poison ivy will become someone else’s problem. (Does one need to disclose a poison ivy war to the next potential home buyer? Hmmm.)
** Don’t throw out your clothes because I am just kidding. You wash your stuff with detergent.
*** But seriously, I’m contemplating throwing out everything in my house except my dog.
**** I say this because the stuff looks like baby diaper poop. Without the smell.
