I have a funny cartoon on my refrigerator that states the only time the house gets clean is when someone comes over. Partial #truth.
One of these visitors was The Kid’s father, whom I shall call B. His name may or may not start with B. If it does, it is a total coincidence.
Anyway, B and I have been divorced for quite a long time. We did not have a nice divorce, if you can call any divorce nice. I could, in fact, write an entire book about nasty divorces, but I doubt anyone would buy it because “nasty” and “divorce” are pretty much synonyms.
After I won custody of our child, he decided to punish me by moving down the block from me. One of the things we argued about is whether or not he was entitled to inspect my house. Because he wanted to make sure the house was “good” enough for our daughter.
I told him that aliens would invade earth before he could come inside and inspect my house. Also, our houses were exactly the same. Since we lived in exactly the same condo association. Every single house was exactly the same. Did I mention the houses were exactly the same?
Besides, didn’t he get the cartoon memo that houses are cleaned when someone comes to visit???
As you can imagine, B was not allowed inside the house with me being home. The Kid was not able to supervise this visit since she has a tendency to fall asleep a lot (due to the medication). She did, in fact, fall asleep during this visit.
A couple of days later, my ex-in-laws called up The Kid and demanded to know why B was not allowed to visit her without me being home. I want to stress this point. B did not call or ask why he couldn’t come over without me being there. His parents called to ask why my ex-husband could not visit while I was home.
But all is good. Before he came over, I cleaned the house.
Just kidding. My husband did.