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Getting My Act Together

My Life With Joe
Finally getting my act together.
These past two weeks, I’ve been getting my sh*t together. Which basically means that I’ve done stuff that I think will be productive.* Well, let me tell you that doing things is exhausting. But I’ve slaved away and wrote a little eBook, one that I’ve promised everyone, titled Homemade Dog Treats. As the name implies, it’s a recipe book of homemade dog treats.
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Here’s Joe, being super patient with his chef hat and apron.
Sadly, I couldn’t use this picture because the white apron picked up the green coloring of the green-screen, and the picture doesn’t look good if I fill the background in with anything else except the Incredible-Hulk-green. I really need to buy a nice blue background instead because at least if I mess up the photograph again, it will be a nice blue.
Soon to be up … more Instagram posts! Let me know if I should publish his picture despite the awful color. Really, that color belongs on grass and leprechauns.
*Actual productivity is not a guarantee.
Police … and Pitbulls
I have a twenty-something couple** as my next door neighbors, and they own two pitbulls.*** One of these pitbulls was a rescue, and he’s nice. The other pitbull was raised as a puppy, and he’s not nice. That is because my neighbors are bone-headed.
They believe that this dog, I shall name him B (any relation to his actual name is purely coincidental), is a very large, very aggressive pitbull. If B was a human, he’d be a retired Navy Seal admiral telling you to make your bed each morning. Like, sh*t, I better make my bed otherwise this Navy Seal dude is gonna kick my ass. Except this one is on steroids, and he’s roughly the size of Montana.
Now, I love my neighbors. They very profusely declare how much they love their “boys” on Instagram, despite how many times per day I hear “STFU, B” or “I hate you, B” or “I wish you were dead, B.”
They love B so much that they regularly allow B to be off his leash, despite (a) he is the size of Montana; (b) he’s a retired Navy seal on steroids; © he pretty much eats all kittens and anything smaller than Montana that happens to be in his way; and (d) he will charge you like a bull seeing a matador’s red cape because of a, b, and c.
They also see nothing wrong with this, by the way.
So the other day, this neighbor and another neighbor who owns H had a screaming match, in which the police were called. Each tried to blame the other. Neighbors who own B said that neighbors who own H threatened to kill B. Neighbors who own H said that B is regularly off his leash and charges at H, being super aggressive. Neighbors who own B fire back and said that B is just playful. “WTF, man, can’t you tell that B just wants to play, even if he’s a full grown male aggressive pitbull charging you like a bull seeing a matador’s red cape???”
As for Joe, he barked a few times when B was charging H, then did something way more important.
Naps are always fun.
Here is the moral of this story: Joe says to take more naps. I concur.
**I like said couple, despite that they are bone-headed.
***I also like pitbulls, despite that my neighbors are bone-headed. I do not, however, like B, as Joe has had his share of run-ins with B.
Happenings
Hunt For Justice: Judge Willa Carson Books 1 - 2 is free right now on the Kindle. I’ve never read her stuff, but author Diane Capri writes a spin-off series of the Jack Reacher novels, so she must be good enough to write a spin-off of the Jack Reacher novels.
I’m still watching Goliath on Amazon Prime starring Billy Bob Thornton. I’m putting up a Season 1 recap on my new website. Don’t judge me too much, I didn’t put anything there yet. I know I promised a legal recap of How to Get Away With Murder, but seriously, Netflix??? Talk about getting your act together. I’m sick and tired of all the shows they keep … dropping … or lagging. So I dropped them.
I’m reading Dave Barry’s “This Year In Review.” I think he’s really funny. I think the “Soccer Dads” article was one of his funnier ones, although they are all good. He wrote an excellent book titled Lessons From Lucy. I’ll probably write a similar book about my Joe once I really get my act together. All these books to write … so little time.
Also, my supercalifragilisticexpialidocious friend Shayla is publishing a newsletter on Substack. She’s also giving away several short stories, as well as being an amazing artist. Check her out. Also, I bought some of her artwork with a coffee mug. I’ll send out pics once I get it. I bought one of the frog, so y’know that green background might come in useful when taking that photo.
Speaking of free short stories, I’m still working on my freebie, a short legal thriller! Don’t worry, I’ll post it here when I finish it. Believe it or not, but making the cover is the WORST. I’m trying to publish the story in mobi (although it will be available for epub and pdf). Like, this is why Indie authors hire peeps to do this. Obviously, my talents do NOT lie in making Kindle covers. I can’t even.
This story won’t have Joe in it, sadly. I hope you don’t hold that against me too much.
As always, thank you for your support and love!
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Maureen Gil
Maureen Gil @joepawdog

A funny bi-weekly newsletter from author Maureen Gil. Features her dog, Joe Paw the Boston Terrier

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