My husband went on an annual golfing trip to South Carolina, sans me, which means that I am all by myself for the week.* J.M. Barrie (who created Peter Pan), coined the phrase “Absence makes the heart grow fonder … or forgetful.” After a two days of being by myself,** I can report that I am forgetful. And here are 13 reasons why.
* Technically, my daughter is upstairs so I am not alone. But she’s 19, which means I see her a few times per week when she decides she need food. Sometimes, I am not around when this mysterious event of coming down the stairs happens. Other times, it is at midnight, which is why my husband and I have dubbed her “The Midnight Snacker.” So, like I said, I’m alone.
** My husband left yesterday morning. Despite being told like a dozen times, I continually forgot and thought he was leaving on Saturday. So, yeah, I’ve been by myself for two days.
Will Absence Make the Heart Grow Fonder?
#1. The laundry is still in the washing machine.
I attempted*** to help with the laundry last week, and I forgot that the load was still in there, washed. Now it smells moldy. So I need to run the washing machine, again, to clean the exact same load of laundry.
*** Laundry is not my strong suit. Or generally doing anything responsible.
#2. Joe is still in his crate.
The dog woke me up this morning, whining to go outside to pee. My husband wakes up to go to work early, which means the dog gets to pee. But since I do not wake up as early as he does, the dog was whining. That’s because …
#3. I forgot to set the alarm clock.
… which is something that my husband always does.
#4. Lemme write it down.
The worst part about being alone, after you are not alone, is that you often forget that the person who used to be there is not there. So I often think about things that I want to tell my husband, but he’s not there. Golf. Right, I forgot.
#5. Text Messages.
But I did remember to text message him. Even if I forgot he was playing golf, and my text message came right as he was taking a swing …
Speaking of taking a swing, my husband sent me a picture of an alligator on the golf course. Yeah, okay, alligators scare me. Nature scares me. Anything in nature scares me. Including spiders. And scorpions. And alligators. I got a job offer once to move to Phoenix, AZ, but it has a lot of spiders and scorpions, so I politely declined. The south has a lot of alligators … and crocodiles … and in some places, both alligators and crocodiles. No thank you. I want to forget that scary nature exists.
I was so preoccupied by writing (hahahaha!!!!) that I forgot to eat. Actually, I just ate whatever I felt like eating. Eating for one is definitely different than eating for two. You tend to have a lot of leftovers and quick meals, such as sandwiches (I forgot to buy the mayonnaise to make tuna fish sandwiches, then I forgot to go to the store to buy the mayonnaise).
#8. I’m fairly certain one of my fish died.
It’s because my husband feeds them. Next year, I will remember to tell my husband he really should hire someone to take care of the animals when he goes on his golfing trip.
#9. I watched a lot of YouTube.
Youtube makes for a very poor substitute for my husband, but I did learn how to do a lot of DIY projects. I made an entire list of things that I should do around the house … but, I forgot where I put the list.
#10. I got a lot of work done.
Yesterday and today were stellar days for working. That’s right, I worked on Sunday. That’s because, absent my husband, I forgot that Sunday was Sunday. You see, he’s not here during the week because he does not work from home. So when he left on Sunday, I thought it was Monday. And I worked.
#11. I got even more work done.
But then, I kinda forgot he wasn’t coming home in the evening … because he’s in South Carolina, not at work. And I normally stop working once he arrives home. So I ended up working all night long (even if you don’t see the fruits of that work, since this newsletter email isn’t going out until the end of the day today). The moral of this story is that people who are alone should do a lot of work because they have no one to distract them. But I dislike work and I like my husband, so I’m eagerly awaiting his return. He can then finally do that load of laundry that’s still in the washing machine.
#12. Um, what was I doing again?
Gimme The Goods!
This newsletter, I am doing a plethora of swaps and giveaways! I usually don’t do more than two, but somehow it sneaked up on me.
The first is Slaughter of Innocents, which is on my to-do reading list. I love reading the indie authors whom I swap newsletters with. This book is free with Kindle Unlimited or $2.99 if you are not.
Next, we have Dead Cell by Chris Johnson, which features a psychic detective. That’s right – right up my alley! I love it. Detective Craig Ramsey and Charlotte Watson should get together for a psychic killer thriller, I say!
Finally, we have Kick Ass Women, a group promo of free books and short stories!
By the way, Act of Vengeance by Audrey Walker is still available!
I forgot to do anything this week. My bad.